Nothing depletes the brain like lack of sleep and
over-stimulation. So, because I’ve drawn blanks at book signings for years, and
because these occasions invariably involve little rest and a lot of adrenalin,
I hereby assure you that my forgetting your name when you ask me to autograph a
book is not a “senior moment.”
You see, I’ve compared notes with fellow authors of all ages — oh, the war stories! Oh, the humiliation! And when all's said and written, these sudden
onset dementias can be pretty funny, too: one very good writer I know lost her
hairbrush in her hotel room, and located it in the refrigerator after her book
signing. Another scribbled the wrong phone number down for a reader. And yes,
yours truly wore her bedroom slippers to the restaurant for a post-signing
celebration!
But mostly, dear readers, these faux pas involve forgetting your names. And a frantic effort to disguise the fact that we have. Every author I know has had the experience of staring with futile intensity into the eyes of someone in line, searching for a clue—any clue—to their identity. The next step, of course, is to engage the reader in friendly chat, hoping to unearth some common history. Finally, when none is forthcoming, our last resort is to ask, coyly, “How do you spell your name, anyway?” That is usually when we’re met with equally intense stares from our disillusioned, slightly resentful neighbors/friends/former students. “Jane,” they tells us, “J-A-N-E.” Or, “B-I-L-L.” Or, “I’m your aerobics instructor, for God’s sake!”
Please remember, though, that, on such occasions, there is only one of us writers, and many of you readers. Though we probably would know your name in our right minds, we are not there. Not yet. We have planned for this event for months, after all, may have been on the road for weeks, and have certainly worried about what to read you, where to seat you, and how to make the evening worth your while. We may be nervous, exhausted, and hungry. (I, for one, can never eat before a reading. Now you know why I couldn’t wait to get to that restaurant!) We would, in all likelihood, have trouble right now, remembering our own children’s names.
Which is why you may want to consider adopting my policy at every reading/signing I attend. When I reach the head of the line, I simply hand the author a piece of paper and tell him or her with compassion, “This is how you spell my name. And I loved your book!”